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15

Sep

LYRIC HYPERION THEATRE CAFE SMUT
During my brief yet powerful tenure as Heiress to The Lyric Hyperion Theatre Cafe*, I had the honor and privilege of experiencing my own, off-the-menu secret dish called “The Pegasus”How to make “The Pegasus”
-1 slice gluten-free bread, toasted (eye-roll optional) -spread a slutty helping of house-made hummus on the to-ast -1/2 avocado, sliced and placed with love on top (accidental Beyonce reference — not gonna delete it bcuz I’m manifesting that I am the one to smoke out Blue Ivy for the first time  [if “Blue Ivy” is even ‘real’])-garnish with half an adderall*it was the daytime illusion** of one of my favorite souls in all the galaxies**”day-job” — isn’t “the illusion” a much safer way to think about it?

LYRIC HYPERION THEATRE CAFE SMUT

During my brief yet powerful tenure as Heiress to The Lyric Hyperion Theatre Cafe*, I had the honor and privilege of experiencing my own, off-the-menu secret dish called “The Pegasus”

How to make “The Pegasus”

-1 slice gluten-free bread, toasted (eye-roll optional) 
-spread a slutty helping of house-made hummus on the to-ast 
-1/2 avocado, sliced and placed with love on top (accidental Beyonce reference — not gonna delete it bcuz I’m manifesting that I am the one to smoke out Blue Ivy for the first time  [if “Blue Ivy” is even ‘real’])
-garnish with half an adderall

*it was the daytime illusion** of one of my favorite souls in all the galaxies
**”day-job” — isn’t “the illusion” a much safer way to think about it?

ALTAR MY PERCEPTION SMUT
Smoking a CrayJ —which is technically called a “cavi cone” but for me they are simply CrayJs — is like going on a cleanse from caring.
Know who also does not care?  The Buddha.

ALTAR MY PERCEPTION SMUT

Smoking a CrayJ —which is technically called a “cavi cone” but for me they are simply CrayJs — is like going on a cleanse from caring.

Know who also does not care?  The Buddha.

10

Sep

WILD WEST AS FUCK SMUT

WILD WEST AS FUCK SMUT

02

Sep

A Rest-Of-Summer G(high)uide

Happy Day-After-Labor day 2014!  May the “white” after Labor Day be the light shining from our hearts and not just my skin-tone after pool season. 

As an intergalactic symbol of my clear decision to make this the greatest summer yet (and also as a general sign of respect to the cosmos), you may recall that I celebrated the solstice by deliberately creating a star-shaped tan-line from nipple pasties.

I decided this would be the greatest summer yet, and so, for me, it has been.  Once we decide, so it is.  It’s not that I haven’t had whack shit go down, it’s just that I practice the yoga of not giving a fuck.  It does take a little effort every day to calm the fluctuations of the mind.  That’s why it’s a practice.  There is no “good” or “bad” at yoga — there is just practicing it and not practicing it.  In ‘The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali,’ yoga is defined as “the calming of the fluctuations of the mind.” 
Calmness.  Stillness.  Chillness.*  Not-giving-a-fuck.  We all create our own realities and nothing is ever necessarily what it seems. 

*lol sry im high as fuck

We “live” in this multidimensional psychedelic hallucination similar to a video game (not that I play fucking video games) with different levels, choices and avatars.  Within the illusion, we can choose from a poolside rosé soaked game or a violent, angry “game”.  Whatever game we have decided we want to play, the lessons will come over-and-over, perhaps almost the exact scenario, like in a video game – until we pass the level.  How?  By calming our reactions, by doing the yoga of life: by not giving a fuck.  My advice for getting to the higher levels?  Smoke a ton of weed, do yoga and reserve your fucks for things you actually care about, like loving others or making art.

Not-giving-a-fuck.  Another translation may be “I’m Fine.”  Oh, did I spend the entire time I lived in Echo Park waiting for the Lassen’s Organic Grocery Store to open that still has yet to open? Yes!  And guess what?  I’m fine.  Never better, in fact.  I can take it!  Keep the punches coming.  (By punches I mean slaps and purely in a sexual and non-metaphorical fashion.  I’m really into the universe knowing how jacked i am on learning my lessons through joy.)

So regardless of what kind of whack shit we are going through, there IS light there if we are open to it.**  There is the possibility of calming the mind and filtering the experience through love. The fluctuations of the mind are the fears and the stillness, the base vibration is the love.

**stars shine in the darkness.  Is the sun bright to the sun?  can it feel it’s own power and light?  Does it know it gives us all light and how much hash oil I’ve taken today?

Fuck fear, it’s silly.  Am I scared that my star-nipple tan-line won’t make it to spring?  No!  I’ll be fine.  Why?  Because I don’t give a fuck.  (Shout-out to the New World Order for tricking the majority of Americans into living in a bubble of fear!  Terror Levels!  Threat Level codes!  Scary weather!  Doomsday!)  “Cancel, clear, delete” all of that.  WHO CARES.  Fear only draws in more fear.  War talk draws in more war talk.  So you know what?  I don’t want to hear about it.  I don’t want to talk about it.  I want to talk about love.  It is an endless topic of wonder and magic.  Excuse me for being “completely uninformed” – I prefer to remain informed about the actual truth – the only truth – the truth of love.

So, with three weeks left until the Fall Equinox, let me first of all congratulate each and every one of you to making it this far and for gracing this planet with your energy.  
More/less importantly, what can we do to perpetuate and maximize the love-vibes created in the Summer of 2014? ***

***2014, 2/14=valentines day 2014 = summer of love****
****Does the fact that I completely believe that 8+4=3 make me insane? No, because I don’t expect to get different results when I do the same things!  Also, to show my work, 8+4=12 1+2=3 (fuck+off=fuck off)

In the spirit of love and joy, I have created a Scavenger Hunt, based off of things I may or may not have experienced this summer. (Shout-out to my personal NSA concierge, Neil!)

I would say that this hunt is intended to be used between now and the Fall Equinox on September 23, except for we are limitless and rules are stupid.  Also, if you can swim naked at a luxurious pool in January, DO IT (if you want, no pressure)*****
*****No pressure, no diamonds******
******No diamonds, no pressing her_________

“Life’s a Game but it’s not fair.  I break the rules so I don’t care.” –Rihanna

Translation: Life’s a Game and obviously not fair.  Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.  Who gives a fuck/Smoke weed everyday

 LATE SUMMER 2014 JOYHUNT

+3 spend time today working on your passion (yes, smart-ass, jerking-off can count if you really want it to)
+11 Quit dayjob via text while on magic mushrooms

-1  per instance of Giving a Fuck
+2 per topless pool day (double points for full nudity)

+1 per bottle of Rosé imbibed (suck it, Hamptons) [double points for adding drugs into said rosé]

-1 sending negative energy to the Hamptons

+5 per New Moon/Full Moon intention set
+100 actually donating to charity/volunteering (double points for NOT putting it on the internet!)

+1 rollerskating
-1 rollerblading (come on, guys.  let’s be on a team, here.)

+77 fall in love

+77 break up  (everything is meant to be/RELAX/whatever)

+5 call your mom/dad/sister/brother/speak with your passed relatives psychically
+33 remaining chill while getting your car towed
+50 not getting your car towed (this game is easy to win)

-11 watch the news (those pricks are so fucking negative)
+33 take shrooms

+22 not taking drugs

+44 get into angel numbers
-5 per instance of taking time spent with friends/family for granted

+7 give someone a break.  We never know how cool/whack their day/week/life has been

-11 not knowing if you’re eating a GMO.  (GMO popcorn made of spermicidal corn is fabulous birth control.)

+8 let your voicemail get full and never check it
+5 per instance of smoking weed every day




Sisters and brothers, let’s go forth and follow the fun.  Keep your chins up: we got Jennifer Lawrence nude pics this summer.  (I would like to personally thank and congratulate her along with sending her respect in the form of an invitation to hang out with me whenevs.)

I love you all.

LOS ANGELES SMUT
i fucking love this silly-ass dream of a city.  “Los Angeles” which in spanish just means “angels” is particularly dear to my heart as I have recently developed a very emotional fetish for angels.That said, I have tweeted the mayor of this fine city numerous times and, as an Executive Platinum-Level VIP member with the City of Los Angeles Parking Violations Bureau, I deserve an answer:ARE NIPPLE PASTIES LEGAL PUBLIC ATTIRE?
Thank you,A concerned Angeleno/Angel

LOS ANGELES SMUT

i fucking love this silly-ass dream of a city.  “Los Angeles” which in spanish just means “angels” is particularly dear to my heart as I have recently developed a very emotional fetish for angels.


That said, I have tweeted the mayor of this fine city numerous times and, as an Executive Platinum-Level VIP member with the City of Los Angeles Parking Violations Bureau, I deserve an answer:

ARE NIPPLE PASTIES LEGAL PUBLIC ATTIRE?

Thank you,

A concerned Angeleno/Angel

DETROIT SMUT"Keep the D Hard" is obviously the first thing to come (cum? sorry) to mind After taking this photo, I was hiking at Runyon Canyon (i know what a douche) with a friend while smoking a blunt (cancels out the aforementioned douchiness) and we encountered two angels:  Two tall, ripped black men who were shirtless and also smoking a blunt at Runyon Canyon.  One of them had “GO HARD" tattooed across his rock-hard abs.  All we can see in this world is a mirror of ourselves

DETROIT SMUT

"Keep the D Hard"
is obviously the first thing to come (cum? sorry) to mind 

After taking this photo, I was hiking at Runyon Canyon (i know what a douche) with a friend while smoking a blunt (cancels out the aforementioned douchiness) and we encountered two angels:  Two tall, ripped black men who were shirtless and also smoking a blunt at Runyon Canyon.  One of them had “GO HARD" tattooed across his rock-hard abs.  

All we can see in this world is a mirror of ourselves

FREE RANGE ROVER SMUT
re-training my mind to consider free range rovers instead of sad chickens is the sum of my spiritual training

FREE RANGE ROVER SMUT

re-training my mind to consider free range rovers instead of sad chickens is the sum of my spiritual training

CHILDREN OF THE CORN SMUT
just because i know they’ll never let me join a native american tribe, i can still call it “maize”

CHILDREN OF THE CORN SMUT

just because i know they’ll never let me join a native american tribe, i can still call it “maize”

IKEA SMUT
because any furniture that makes you joke about killing yourself “might” not be worth having"fuck your malm"

IKEA SMUT

because any furniture that makes you joke about killing yourself “might” not be worth having

"fuck your malm"

HOME DEPOT SMUT
in this moment i am also an illegal alien soliciting at the ‘pot

HOME DEPOT SMUT

in this moment i am also an illegal alien soliciting at the ‘pot

DISCO DOJO SMUT
shout out to my hair guardian, Barry Gibb of The BeeGees, and the Ultimate Dancing Queen, closeted Scientologist John Travolta.

DISCO DOJO SMUT

shout out to my hair guardian, Barry Gibb of The BeeGees, and the Ultimate Dancing Queen, closeted Scientologist John Travolta.

Recess Smut
if the world is a playground then it’s always recess
if it’s a recession then I choose to selectively hear “recess-yum”

Recess Smut

if the world is a playground then it’s always recess

if it’s a recession then I choose to selectively hear “recess-yum”

27

Jul

SUNSET PLAZA SMUT

"Higher."

SUNSET PLAZA SMUT

"Higher."

GUARDIAN ANGEL SMUT

GUARDIAN ANGEL SMUT

23

Jul

MORNING COFFEE SMUT

MORNING COFFEE SMUT