Esquire Theme by Matthew Buchanan
Social icons by Tim van Damme

27

Jul

SUNSET PLAZA SMUT

"Higher."

SUNSET PLAZA SMUT

"Higher."

GUARDIAN ANGEL SMUT

GUARDIAN ANGEL SMUT

23

Jul

MORNING COFFEE SMUT

MORNING COFFEE SMUT

22

Jul

POT SMUT

POT SMUT

19

Jul

TURF SMUT

this is on my property in echo park! My landlord pays for turf protection: when he said the house came with all utilities included, he meant it!

TURF SMUT

this is on my property in echo park! My landlord pays for turf protection: when he said the house came with all utilities included, he meant it!

BLASÉ SMUT
because honestly, whatever

BLASÉ SMUT

because honestly, whatever

(Source: cheesekills)

17

Jul

TECHNICALLY ILLEGAL SMUT
the city is so much more beautiful when “indecent”ly exposedwhat i am saying is:fuck the police 

TECHNICALLY ILLEGAL SMUT

the city is so much more beautiful when “indecent”ly exposed

what i am saying is:

fuck the police 

16

Jul

DAKINI SMUT
three different definitions of the word:
Dakini: The Goddess Who Takes Form as a WomanDAKINI (SANSKRIT): A FEMALE MESSENGER OF WISDOM
"But what exactly is a dakini? Dakinis are elusive and playful by nature; trying to nail them down with a neat definition means missing them, since defying narrow intellectual concepts is at the core of their wise game.”

DAKINI SMUT

three different definitions of the word:

Dakini: The Goddess Who Takes Form as a Woman

DAKINI (SANSKRIT): A FEMALE MESSENGER OF WISDOM

"But what exactly is a dakini? Dakinis are elusive and playful by nature; trying to nail them down with a neat definition means missing them, since defying narrow intellectual concepts is at the core of their wise game.

15

Jul

2014:DAY 1: PLANT SMUT
This morning I went to a nursery first thing in the morning to fill the house with plants in order to make the fairy kingdom feel welcome.

In the words of Ice-T: “Fuck It” 

I choose to believe that fairies exist, that unicorns definitely smoke weed and that every group of four women is, in fact, a coven.  

Why?  Because fuck it.  If: I live my entire life believing in the power of the stars, ghosts and yoga only to “die” and realize:
a. absolutely nothing because I’m “dead”
b. magic isn’t real and yoga is bullshit and omg what an idiot

Then: Fuck it.  I might regret not having taken more almost-nip-pics.  (Hands down this is the most exciting “time” in history to be involved with nipple culture!  The celebrity instagram nipple debate is getting very fired up right now!  And how about those areola-print bikini tops?  I imagine they are very upsetting to the midwest!  How beautiful.)
But I digress.  Let’s continue.
If: I didn’t believe in gnomes and spirit guides and all kinds of wacky shit, only to find out that Iceland was right all along and elves are fucking everywhere and “death” is an illusion and totes BSThen:That would be a huge buzzkill.

It’s all an illusion!  How fun, right?
Everything is an illusion.  Everything.  Including the tan-line of stars around my nipples from wearing pasties around the pool all day while drinking molly-infused rosé, no matter how real that tan-line may seem to me.  Conveniently enough for us all, time is also an illusion.  Oh, has it been 7.5 months since I’ve done anything for this blog?  Fuck it!  Even more conveniently for us all: only love is real.*
*I would like to take this opportunity to argue that the nipple-pasty tan-line is love and therefore real

Love does not necessarily stop people from bitching about the weather, however.  Though now we all know that everything is an illusion, it’s just SO EASY to blame a shitty attitude on the weather!   Is it “too hot” or “too cold”??  There must be a perfect balance between the amount of bitching done about how hot it is in the summer, how cold it is in the winter, and every degree in between.  It’s summer here, winter there.   If it’s always possible to be miserable then, mathematically in space-queen-land, it must also always be possible to be perfectly jacked and delighted.  We get to choose!   How annoying!  How lovely.  

Fortunately/Unforunately, there is nothing stopping me from putting up ridiculous photos of my almost nipples (which I realize would be “scandalous” since I am a woman, though men are allowed to trepse around, nipples ablaze, regardless of whether or not their tits bigger than mine) for the next three hundred and sixty five days as a reminder to choose wisely/unwisely**  in the name of healing, in the name of “fuck the police,” oneness, and acknowledgement that fake diseases like Seasonal Affective Disorder are, in fact, an illusion.**does this blog mean that I can never marry a morally-compromised politician?  I’ve seen house of cards.******jk i’d never do a politician ew.********except Anothony Wiener, because he’s the Patron Saint of Dick Pix.


So whether it’s hot as fuck or cold as fuck where you are,

fuck it = love itfuck you all ;)

2014:

DAY 1: PLANT SMUT

This morning I went to a nursery first thing in the morning to fill the house with plants in order to make the fairy kingdom feel welcome.
In the words of Ice-T: “Fuck It” 
I choose to believe that fairies exist, that unicorns definitely smoke weed and that every group of four women is, in fact, a coven.  
Why?  Because fuck it.  

If:
I live my entire life believing in the power of the stars, ghosts and yoga only to “die” and realize:
a. absolutely nothing because I’m “dead”
b. magic isn’t real and yoga is bullshit and omg what an idiot
Then:
Fuck it.  I might regret not having taken more almost-nip-pics.  (Hands down this is the most exciting “time” in history to be involved with nipple culture!  The celebrity instagram nipple debate is getting very fired up right now!  And how about those areola-print bikini tops?  I imagine they are very upsetting to the midwest!  How beautiful.)

But I digress.  Let’s continue.

If:
I didn’t believe in gnomes and spirit guides and all kinds of wacky shit, only to find out that Iceland was right all along and elves are fucking everywhere and “death” is an illusion and totes BS
Then:
That would be a huge buzzkill.
It’s all an illusion!  How fun, right?
Everything is an illusion.  Everything.  Including the tan-line of stars around my nipples from wearing pasties around the pool all day while drinking molly-infused rosé, no matter how real that tan-line may seem to me.  Conveniently enough for us all, time is also an illusion.  Oh, has it been 7.5 months since I’ve done anything for this blog?  Fuck it!  Even more conveniently for us all: only love is real.*

*I would like to take this opportunity to argue that the nipple-pasty tan-line is love and therefore real
Love does not necessarily stop people from bitching about the weather, however.  Though now we all know that everything is an illusion, it’s just SO EASY to blame a shitty attitude on the weather!   Is it “too hot” or “too cold”??  There must be a perfect balance between the amount of bitching done about how hot it is in the summer, how cold it is in the winter, and every degree in between.  It’s summer here, winter there.   If it’s always possible to be miserable then, mathematically in space-queen-land, it must also always be possible to be perfectly jacked and delighted.  We get to choose!   How annoying!  How lovely.  
Fortunately/Unforunately, there is nothing stopping me from putting up ridiculous photos of my almost nipples (which I realize would be “scandalous” since I am a woman, though men are allowed to trepse around, nipples ablaze, regardless of whether or not their tits bigger than mine) for the next three hundred and sixty five days as a reminder to choose wisely/unwisely**  in the name of healing, in the name of “fuck the police,” oneness, and acknowledgement that fake diseases like Seasonal Affective Disorder are, in fact, an illusion.

**does this blog mean that I can never marry a morally-compromised politician?  I’ve seen house of cards.***
***jk i’d never do a politician ew.****
****except Anothony Wiener, because he’s the Patron Saint of Dick Pix.
So whether it’s hot as fuck or cold as fuck where you are,
fuck it = love it

fuck you all ;)

01

Apr

girls are just sick and tired of the same old boring dick pics….. use your penis as a way to express yourself!

26

Dec

MERRY CHRISTMAS SMUT

MERRY CHRISTMAS SMUT

21

Dec

WINTER SOLSTICE SMUT
Time to burn those metaphorical bikinis and let your inner light warm you up!"When freedom is outlawed, only outlaws will be free": that’s a graffito seen in Anacortes, and I love that. There are outlaw maps that lead to outlaw treasures, and I love those maps especially. Unwilling to wait for mankind to improve, the outlaw lives as if that day were here, and I love that most of all. Criminals, because they’re plagued with guilt, often will surrender and go quietly. Outlaws, because they’re pure, never will.”
-Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker

WINTER SOLSTICE SMUT

Time to burn those metaphorical bikinis and let your inner light warm you up!

"When freedom is outlawed, only outlaws will be free": that’s a graffito seen in Anacortes, and I love that. There are outlaw maps that lead to outlaw treasures, and I love those maps especially. Unwilling to wait for mankind to improve, the outlaw lives as if that day were here, 
and I love that most of all. 
Criminals, because they’re plagued with guilt, often will surrender and go quietly. 
Outlaws, because they’re pure, never will.”

-Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker

18

Nov

BRO SMUT
as one jacked bro at the Roosevelt pool once said to another jacked bro at the Roosevelt pool:"You know I would never do that to you, man.  You know I’m your bro."

In the spirit of true bromance, let’s not ever do that to each other.  Let’s be bros.  A planet of bros.  
Bros who love their bros.

BRO SMUT

as one jacked bro at the Roosevelt pool once said to another jacked bro at the Roosevelt pool:

"You know I would never do that to you, man.  You know I’m your bro."

In the spirit of true bromance, let’s not ever do that to each other.  Let’s be bros.  A planet of bros.  

Bros who love their bros.

11

Nov

VETERANS DAY SMUTwhat’s more American than guns*, booze (smuggling booze especially), and the mystical Anazasi fertility god Kokopelli***?*notice mine is fake****i only endorse fake guns (and obviously biceps)***dear new mexico— if you want to do something about the rampant teenage pregnancy, take down all the god damn kokopellis everywhere
peace peace peace 

VETERANS DAY SMUT

what’s more American than guns*, booze (smuggling booze especially), and the mystical Anazasi fertility god Kokopelli***?

*notice mine is fake**
**i only endorse fake guns (and obviously biceps)

***dear new mexico— if you want to do something about the rampant teenage pregnancy, take down all the god damn kokopellis everywhere

peace peace peace