Esquire Theme by Matthew Buchanan
Social icons by Tim van Damme

01

Apr

girls are just sick and tired of the same old boring dick pics….. use your penis as a way to express yourself!

26

Dec

MERRY CHRISTMAS SMUT

MERRY CHRISTMAS SMUT

21

Dec

WINTER SOLSTICE SMUT
Time to burn those metaphorical bikinis and let your inner light warm you up!"When freedom is outlawed, only outlaws will be free": that’s a graffito seen in Anacortes, and I love that. There are outlaw maps that lead to outlaw treasures, and I love those maps especially. Unwilling to wait for mankind to improve, the outlaw lives as if that day were here, and I love that most of all. Criminals, because they’re plagued with guilt, often will surrender and go quietly. Outlaws, because they’re pure, never will.”
-Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker

WINTER SOLSTICE SMUT

Time to burn those metaphorical bikinis and let your inner light warm you up!

"When freedom is outlawed, only outlaws will be free": that’s a graffito seen in Anacortes, and I love that. There are outlaw maps that lead to outlaw treasures, and I love those maps especially. Unwilling to wait for mankind to improve, the outlaw lives as if that day were here, 
and I love that most of all. 
Criminals, because they’re plagued with guilt, often will surrender and go quietly. 
Outlaws, because they’re pure, never will.”

-Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker

18

Nov

BRO SMUT
as one jacked bro at the Roosevelt pool once said to another jacked bro at the Roosevelt pool:"You know I would never do that to you, man.  You know I’m your bro."

In the spirit of true bromance, let’s not ever do that to each other.  Let’s be bros.  A planet of bros.  
Bros who love their bros.

BRO SMUT

as one jacked bro at the Roosevelt pool once said to another jacked bro at the Roosevelt pool:

"You know I would never do that to you, man.  You know I’m your bro."

In the spirit of true bromance, let’s not ever do that to each other.  Let’s be bros.  A planet of bros.  

Bros who love their bros.

11

Nov

VETERANS DAY SMUTwhat’s more American than guns*, booze (smuggling booze especially), and the mystical Anazasi fertility god Kokopelli***?*notice mine is fake****i only endorse fake guns (and obviously biceps)***dear new mexico— if you want to do something about the rampant teenage pregnancy, take down all the god damn kokopellis everywhere
peace peace peace 

VETERANS DAY SMUT

what’s more American than guns*, booze (smuggling booze especially), and the mystical Anazasi fertility god Kokopelli***?

*notice mine is fake**
**i only endorse fake guns (and obviously biceps)

***dear new mexico— if you want to do something about the rampant teenage pregnancy, take down all the god damn kokopellis everywhere

peace peace peace 

09

Nov

PUBLIC INDECENCY SMUT
"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law."

PUBLIC INDECENCY SMUT

"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law."

31

Oct

WHICH WITCH SMUT
Happy Halloween everyone!
Here’s to the one day of the year when we all come together to collectively think about magic and witches and slutty bitches.**”slutty bitches” clearly refers to both men and women and everything in between (that means you, slutty concepts!)
On Halloween, everyone dresses up like magical creatures or undead mystical shit.  This is as awe-inspiring to me as it is ugh-inspiring because of the aspect of make-believe.  We all come together to “pretend” to be slutty mystical magical creatures, but…. aren’t we?

WHICH WITCH SMUT

Happy Halloween everyone!

Here’s to the one day of the year when we all come together to collectively think about magic and witches and slutty bitches.*

*”slutty bitches” clearly refers to both men and women and everything in between (that means you, slutty concepts!)

On Halloween, everyone dresses up like magical creatures or undead mystical shit.  This is as awe-inspiring to me as it is ugh-inspiring because of the aspect of make-believe.  We all come together to “pretend” to be slutty mystical magical creatures, but…. aren’t we?

28

Oct

WHIMSICAL TEDDY SMUT
While it’s not politically correct or generally appropriate to fashion bears as “sexy” (but it is ok to call a slutty piece of lingerie a “Teddy”*), having a bear as a spirit animal is pretty hot.
*Teddy on the show Nashville is so hot** **The entire cast of the show Nashville is so hot*** ***Anyone who is a fan of Nashville is so hot**** ****Humanity is so hot
Its the same light that keeps us glancing across the room at a stranger that makes it so mesmerizing to stare into the sun. People are as sexy and as mystical as all the stars in the sky. Sometimes when people find each other sexy (or themselves incredibly drunk), an entirely new universe is created (sometimes deliberately, sometimes “accidentally,” always divinely.) In this new universe exists love and pain and Bigfoot legends and stories of mermaids and murder. We are all of the things, the scary bear and the child’s favorite teddy bear.
But it’s still pretty uncool to call bears sexy.
Shout out to all my hot bros whose spirit animals are bears. (Mine is a raven. A cunty raven.)

WHIMSICAL TEDDY SMUT

While it’s not politically correct or generally appropriate to fashion bears as “sexy” (but it is ok to call a slutty piece of lingerie a “Teddy”*), having a bear as a spirit animal is pretty hot.

*Teddy on the show Nashville is so hot**
**The entire cast of the show Nashville is so hot***
***Anyone who is a fan of Nashville is so hot****
****Humanity is so hot

Its the same light that keeps us glancing across the room at a stranger that makes it so mesmerizing to stare into the sun. People are as sexy and as mystical as all the stars in the sky. Sometimes when people find each other sexy (or themselves incredibly drunk), an entirely new universe is created (sometimes deliberately, sometimes “accidentally,” always divinely.) In this new universe exists love and pain and Bigfoot legends and stories of mermaids and murder. We are all of the things, the scary bear and the child’s favorite teddy bear.

But it’s still pretty uncool to call bears sexy.

Shout out to all my hot bros whose spirit animals are bears. (Mine is a raven. A cunty raven.)

21

Oct

DIRRTY LAUNDRY SMUT
let’s all take a moment of silence for Christina Aguilera.

DIRRTY LAUNDRY SMUT

let’s all take a moment of silence for Christina Aguilera.

13

Oct

DESERT SLUT SMUT
Just made my reality tv debut as a flag girl on a car show…. On the release, my character is named “Desert Slut”

DESERT SLUT SMUT

Just made my reality tv debut as a flag girl on a car show…. On the release, my character is named “Desert Slut”

09

Oct

ROSÉ SMUT
1. “if” time’s not real, you can’t tell me it’s not summer in October — actually, you can’t even really tell me it’s October.
2. the rosé i’m experiencing here is called “Whispering Angel”  a. we are surrounded by angels (do i mean people? or actual angels? or both?) b. you’ve never lived until you’ve had a cholo named Angel whisper into your ear c. the angels told me to tell you that we should all keep following the fun 

ROSÉ SMUT

1. “if” time’s not real, you can’t tell me it’s not summer in October — actually, you can’t even really tell me it’s October.

2. the rosé i’m experiencing here is called “Whispering Angel”
 a. we are surrounded by angels (do i mean people? or actual angels? or both?)
 b. you’ve never lived until you’ve had a cholo named Angel whisper into your ear
 c. the angels told me to tell you that we should all keep following the fun 

katyhomeplansanddesigns asked: Great blog, don't stop blogging.

Thank you! :)

06

Oct

CAMPING SMUT
Just pretend you’re in a Levi’s Jeans ad….

CAMPING SMUT

Just pretend you’re in a Levi’s Jeans ad….

03

Oct

DE-FLOWER CHILD SMUT
because the other day I cried over two trees who grew into one.

DE-FLOWER CHILD SMUT

because the other day I cried over two trees who grew into one.

26

Sep

WITCH/BITCH SMUT
Once upon a time (2008) in Albuquerque, a young man walked into a gas station.  The Native American clerk, who had a mohawk AND a rat’s tail, asked the young man who he planned to vote for in the upcoming election.
The young man looked from the clerk’s eyes, down to his own man purse, and back to the clerk’s eyes, as if to say “I have a fuckin’ murse, clearly I’m voting for Obama.”
But, instead he sassed, “Uh….. Obama?”
The clerk replied, “Many curses upon you.”
The young man worked 2 more years at a T-Mobile* call center AND is one of my best friends.**

So who the fuck are you to say magic isn’t real?*if that’s not a curse i don’t know what is**see above ;)

WITCH/BITCH SMUT

Once upon a time (2008) in Albuquerque, a young man walked into a gas station.  The Native American clerk, who had a mohawk AND a rat’s tail, asked the young man who he planned to vote for in the upcoming election.

The young man looked from the clerk’s eyes, down to his own man purse, and back to the clerk’s eyes, as if to say “I have a fuckin’ murse, clearly I’m voting for Obama.”

But, instead he sassed, “Uh….. Obama?”

The clerk replied, “Many curses upon you.”

The young man worked 2 more years at a T-Mobile* call center AND is one of my best friends.**

So who the fuck are you to say magic isn’t real?

*if that’s not a curse i don’t know what is
**see above ;)